The first time I heard a man say he was “preserving his sex energy,” I blinked. Like, huh? I’d heard of celibacy, sure. But this wasn’t about religion or punishment, it was about power. About clarity. Moreover, turning sex into sacred currency. That man was the author of Back to the BaSex: A Reclamation of Sex Energy for Men, a book that reads like a manifesto for modern masculinity, part spiritual text, part accountability mirror. In a world where so many men are drained, distracted, and disconnected from their own purpose, he’s offering something radical: what if you could reclaim your sex energy, not just to be better in bed, but to be better in life?
Chestnut dismantles the shallow assumption that feelings alone equal emotional intelligence and instead walks us through five core components
A Message to Black Men: Reclaiming Pleasure, Reclaiming Power
Back to the BaSex opens with a call, not just to heal, but to reclaim. To shake off the centuries-old chains of caricature and stand in full-spectrum truth. The author, Boris Chestnut, doesn’t tiptoe, he names it plainly:
“For too long, Black men have been shackled by oppressive stereotypes that define their sexuality as aggressive, hedonistic, and animalistic.”
He challenges the myth-making head-on, asking: Is it society or science that shaped these distortions? And more importantly, who benefits from keeping Black men disconnected from their own softness, sensuality, or emotional depth?
This isn’t just about sex. It’s about freedom. It’s about decolonizing desire, rejecting shame, and embracing sexuality as a divine, personal, and human experience.
What BaSex Really Means
The title isn’t a typo, it’s intentional. Rooted in African systems of development, ‘Ba’ is the highest version of self. It’s the divine self. So BaSex isn’t just about sex, it’s about reclaiming your highest energy, your sacred drive, your alignment. Chestnut breaks it down like a preacher and a professor, on a foundational and spiritual level. Sex is sacred, and penetration isn’t the point. Power is. Presence is. Purpose is.
Can Emotional Intelligence Improve Your Sex Life?
One of the most impactful chapters in the book asks this exact question, and the answer is a clear yes. But not just in the ways you’d think. Chestnut dismantles the shallow assumption that feelings alone equal emotional intelligence and instead walks us through five core components: self-awareness, emotional regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills, all of which deeply impact connection, intimacy, and pleasure. Originally developed by psychologist Daniel Goleman, the emotional intelligence framework is reinterpreted here by Chestnut through the lens of sensuality, intimacy, and Black male healing.
He offers exercises and reflections: self-talk for body awareness, anger logs, breathing and grounding practices, cognitive reframing, and self-compassion tools. Sensual men, as he defines them, are those who prioritize emotional connection, understand their partners, and embrace vulnerability without shame.
The Rise of the Sensual Man
Vulnerability, he says, is not a liability, it’s the invitation. When men allow themselves to be emotionally open, they create space for their partners to do the same. The result is trust, passion, and deeper intimacy. He teaches that emotional intelligence is a team sport. A sensual man isn’t just attuned to his own needs but is deeply invested in reading his partner’s cues, verbal and nonverbal. He knows when she’s disconnected, when stress is stealing her joy, and how to be a safe space instead of a trigger.
From the Author: A Therapist, A Teacher, A Healer, A Liberator
In our interview, the author shared that the book began out of frustration. As a Black male sex therapist, he was constantly approached with questions, especially from women trying to understand the men in their lives. Men, he noted, were more hesitant. Talking about sex openly? Still taboo. So he started writing something that could make the conversation easier.
He spoke about emotional leakage, how unresolved issues drain sexual and spiritual energy, and how tantra, breath-work, and energy alignment helped him shift from surface-level sex to sacred power. His tribe in Atlanta and his studies with Master Yao shaped the holistic view that lives in every chapter.
Meet the Author: Boris Chestnut
Boris Chestnut, the author of Back to the BaSex, is a Black, straight millennial behavioral therapist and certified sex therapist based in Texas. With nearly 20 years of experience, Boris has helped individuals and couples explore the origins of their sexual beliefs, heal emotional wounds, and shift their mindsets to align with holistic well-being. He holds degrees in psychology and clinical social work, and blends behavioral therapy with tantra and energy work to guide people toward greater sexual clarity, healing, and power.
As a passionate advocate for inclusive sexual education, Boris is committed to redefining masculinity in non-toxic ways. He offers both virtual and in-person support for individuals, couples, and communities, and his work centers on emotional literacy, energetic alignment, and the liberation of sexual identity from harmful cultural myths.
Final Thoughts: Pleasure as Purpose
Back to the BaSex is more than a book, it’s a reclamation. It’s an invitation to Black men to come home to their bodies, their emotions, and their erotic power. It challenges outdated stereotypes and replaces them with healing, intention, and deeply spiritual self-awareness. It reminds us all: pleasure is not a distraction. It’s divine.
3 BaSex Practices to Try Tonight
1. Body Check-In: Use “I feel” statements to scan yourself physically, emotionally, sexually, intimately, and spiritually.
2. Root Chakra Movement: Dance or move with intention to break up blocked energy and ground into your power.
3. Reflective Listening: Practice emotional intelligence by listening to your partner’s nonverbal cues and responding with empathy.
At its core, Back to the BaSex isn’t just about how men show up in bed, it’s about how they show up in life. Boris Chestnut isn’t asking men to stop being sexual. He’s asking them to be powerful on purpose. To reclaim their energy, their softness, their discipline, and their divinity. And for those of us loving them, raising them, or becoming them, that kind of transformation is everything.
